His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
