they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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