I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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