ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
