is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
