I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
