I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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