So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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