So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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