you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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