walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think a kid would responsible me up
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
