he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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