Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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