He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
