I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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