Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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