I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
