areolas are like halos for boobs.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
