My first STD was from a foam party
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
