Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
