I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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