I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
