For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
