Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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