U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
