Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
