so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
