i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
