my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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