12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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