You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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