Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Randomize
