So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
