Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
