If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
