you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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