I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
