im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You have to summon your inner elephant
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
