He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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