I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
