Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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