I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
