I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
