Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
