Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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