how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Randomize
