i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
