you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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