what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
