Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
