I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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