real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
