Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
