I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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