Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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