; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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