I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
