At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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