oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
